Virtually Better

Photo Credit: Shapeshift (Flickr.com)

My phone keeps ringing. Whoever is calling it must really want to get through; they’ve ignored the instructions on my voicemail several times.

“Hi, you’ve reached Jerry,” it says. “I don’t check my voicemail, so don’t leave a message. Send me a text, shoot me an e-mail, or leave a comment on my blog, and I’ll get back to you.”

Simple instructions, right? But whoever this idiot is can’t follow them. So, with a deep sigh to remind myself how exasperated I am by the whole thing, I pause my game and take the call.

“Talk to me!” I say in the most obnoxious, game-show-host-er-iffic voice possible. “You’re on with Jerry! Make it snappy!’

“Uh, hi, Jerry,” a female voice says at the other end. “This is, uh, Trudy, from, you know, work…”

On a scale of 1 to 10, Trudy’s maybe a 6, and her shyness makes her more like a 3. But she’s getting divorced, she’s got no kids, and she’s lonely; that’s got to count for something. I guess I can make a little time for her. “Yeah, hey,” I say. “I don’t usually answer my phone because it’s just telemarketers. What’s up?”

“I, uh…” she says, and just leaves some dead air between us. I plug in my headset and resume my game while I wait for her to spit it out. “Uh, what are you doing?” she finally asks.

“Playing a game,” I said. “Halls of the Mountain King. Ever heard of it?”

“No,” she said. “Like, a board game?”

I sigh. “No, Trudy, it’s a computer game,” I say. “Probably the best game there is right now.”

“Oh,” she says. “I don’t really play a lot of video games. Just, you know, the sports one, and that Guitar Band Hero thing.”

“Well, I do play a lot of games,” I say. “Pretty much every moment I get, in fact.”‘

“Oh,” she says. “Well, um, I was wondering if maybe tomorrow you might want to go see a movie or something.”

I roll my eyes. “And pay, what, $10 a person plus another $15 for sodas and popcorn?” I say. “No thanks. I’ve got a sweet setup here, and I can get any movie I want to see off the ‘net. Plus, I don’t really watch movies that much anyway. I’d rather be playing games.”

“Oh,” she says. “Well, if money’s a problem, I don’t mind paying. I…” she pauses. I once again decide to let her spit out her thought as I continue playing my game. “…I guess I just need to get out of the house.”

“It’s not just the money commitment,” I say. “It’s the time. Two hours on a movie I probably don’t want to see. Another hour getting back and forth, and then, you know, all that sitting and waiting for the movie to start. No thanks. Not worth it.”

She sort of laughed and sighed in a really nervous way. “You, um, understand that I’m trying to ask you out for a date here, right?” she says.

I hadn’t realized that, but it sort of makes sense. Still, I’m not really interested in a movie. “Well, tomorrow’s not that great,” I say. “I play this other game, Mists of Moria, and my guild’s got a raid scheduled. So I really probably shouldn’t bail on them at the last minute, you know?”

“Is that really all you do?” she asks. “Play computer games all night and all weekend?”

“Pretty much,” I say.

She pauses. “I guess… I don’t really know a lot about them, but that just seems sad,” she says. “Don’t you ever want to get out and, you know, spend time with real people?”

Suddenly, Trudy is reminding me a lot of my mom. “You know, I’m not persuaded that it’s any better to be around real people,” I say. “These games are great. You can do lots of things in games you can’t do in real life, you know? And you never get bored. I mean, you out to see the one I’m playing now. It’s this huge, vast, fantasy world where you can pretty much do anything you want. To me, that’s a lot more fun than having to go stand in line behind a bunch of morons at the movie theater who’re just there to see things go boom. In my games, if things go boom, it’s because I made them do it.”

“So is that all you’re willing to do?” she asks. “I mean, I guess I could come over and you could teach me how to play. Do I need to bring my laptop?”

“Only if you’ve got a computer with a good enough graphics card to play it,” I say. “And if it’s a laptop, probably not.”

“Maybe we could take turns?” she asks.

“You’d have no idea how to play.” I say. “I guess you could watch me play, if you really want to.”

She sighs deeply. “You know… no, I’m sorry, but I don’t really want to, Jerry,” she says. “I was hoping we could go out, but you know, you’ve got to meet me halfway or this is never going to work.”

I wait to see if she’s got anything else to say. It sort of sounds like she’s crying on the other end. Women.

“All right, well,” I finally say. “I guess if you want to come over tomorrow, that’s cool, and if not, that’s cool too. I’ll be here either way.”

I hear her choking back a sob. “Go to hell, Jerry,” she says, and hangs up angrily.

I shrug to myself as I yank the headset out of my ear. “Her loss,” I say, and get back to my game.

Writing Scraps

by Sean J. Jordan